


Hug

by ObsidianCoffe



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Genji has issues, Not Beta Read, Psychological Drama, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Indulgent, Touch-Starved, and Zenyatta is there to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7472859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianCoffe/pseuds/ObsidianCoffe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road to recovery is not an easy one, even the best students have drawbacks. But it's important not to let the darkness pull you down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hug

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, incredibly original title. I wrote this to try and cheer myself up, and it became angst. Also, Genji now has some of my issues because I need a way to cope.

The fingers were long and shapely, shiny metal stained from manual labor and one too many encounters with aggressors. His hands were as elegant as precise, maneuvering in the different positions for prayer and meditation, agile in combat, and delicate when appreciating the beauty in the world.

Were they warm? He imagined so, incapable of relating words like _cold_ or _unmoving_ to him. How would his own hand fit against them? It seemed like his palm was bigger, but those fingers were so long. His thumb twitched, as if wanting to caress the knuckles…

“Genji.”

The voice startled him out of his thoughts. Slowly, as if waking from a dream, he turned his head up.

“Is something the matter?”

“N-no… No, Master. My apologies, I got distracted.”

Zenyatta hummed. Ever since they had taken up meditating together, the omnic opted for sitting on the floor next to Genji, rather than levitating. His head was turned, examining him probably out of worry.

“Please continue, Master. Everything is fine.”

It was a lie. Everything was wrong. _He was not fine_.

He should know better than to lie to his teacher, but thankfully Zenyatta decided to believe him and continue with meditation.

He bit his lips behind the mask, feeling the tension in his shoulders as another wave of self-deprecation washed over him. Zenyatta was nothing but honest with him, and lying to him felt like a crime.

But it was better than to speak honestly about the turmoil in his head.

_I don’t deserve it am a monster could break anything I touch should stay away it would be the best for everyone why am I still alive mistake should have ended back then I could hurt him never touch him never touch anyone don’t deserve WHY why gods why…_

Zenyatta had already wasted too much of his precious time on him, it would be unfair to the rest of the world, it would be selfish of him to…

He tried to swallow the bitter feeling. Gritting his teeth, he willed himself to be stronger, to accept everything that was wrong with him and make sure he wouldn’t let it weight down on others. _If you are going to suffer, determine that you do it alone…_

“Genji, stop.” It was soft, but commanding. He realized he was slumping over, and quickly straightened up. “You look _miserable_ ,” he turned his head in shame. So much for keeping it to himself. “Please tell me what is wrong…”

“I… I’m sorry, Master. I didn’t mean to disturb you.” His hands tight in fists on his knees, while Zenyatta remained silent. Genji clenched his mouth, searching a way to explain what was happening. “I-I have… I’ve been plagued by my own thoughts… Again.” At this the omnic dipped his head in understanding. “My apologies, I should have been more careful. It would have been better to not bother you with this.”

“Please, Genji. Do not shun me out.” He shifted in his stance to face him. “If you are in pain I want to know, I want to help you.”

Genji stayed silent. Zenyatta was closer now, their knees were only centimeters away. He could brush his hand against it, merely by accident. He dutifully placed them on his lap.

“Now, tell me. It’s been a long time since you’ve suffered from a streak like this, correct?” his pupil nodded stiffly “Was there something that triggered this attack on yourself?”

Sighing, he realized it was impossible to avoid this conversation now. The damage was done, and he found himself incapable of hiding anything from his Master. Looking down, he took a deep breath.

“Five days ago… I had a nightmare. If you asked right now, I would not be able to tell you exactly what happened in it. But it was dark, and violent. It left me shivering and apprehensive, all through out the day. Neither training nor doing my chores helped taking my mind off of it. Remember the young Azalea we were cultivating? I tried to move it so that the light of the sun reached it better, but I ended up breaking the pot.” He felt almost silly, saying it out loud. “I was worried I would drop it because my hands were shaking, but suddenly the ceramic was broken in a million pieces between my fingers. Then, as I tried to salvage the Azalea, I grasped it and tore the stem.” The feeling was back, the bitterness in his mouth. “I wasn’t even putting that much force in it! But I shredded everything, without meaning to! My sensitivity is compromised, I cannot trust myself not to break anything else. So I’ve been avoiding touching as much as I could. The thought that I could… That I…”

He was shivering, gasping for breath. _Oh gods, what am I going to do… I can’t let… I will hurt…_

“Look at me. Genji, look at me.” He tried to control his breathing. “Everything is okay. You are fine, Genji. You are not-“

“But I am, Master! I will hurt everything I touch! I’m nothing more than a killing machine, a weapon… I’m worthless… I’m… Not… _it’s no good_.” He wanted to cry. The arguments were false, he knew. They both had discussed them more than enough times in the past. But he was willing to grasp at anything that proved that he was _bad._

Zenyatta rouse, and extended a hand towards him. Genji flinched away, as if looking at it would somehow wound it. The omnic did not relent, and remained in his position, patiently waiting. The cyborg was scared, but he cared for his Master too much to ignore him. Reluctantly, and still avoiding the hand, he stood up too.  

“May I touch you?”

“Master, I- What if… I don’t- I don’t want to _hurt you_.”

“You won’t. But if it makes you uneasy, you don’t have to touch me. I’ll be the one to do it.”

He should’ve say no. He _had_ to say no. But… He wanted it. He didn’t deserve it, - _youareamonsteryouwillhurthimyoudon’tdeserveit_ \- but he knew that there was nothing he wanted more. And the opportunity was dangling in front of him.

He swallowed, and nodded.

Slowly, terrifyingly so, he raised a hand to rest on his shoulder and the other to gently touch his cheek.

The moment he felt the contact, it was like a lightning bolt had struck him.

It was something so simple, but so gratifying. He could almost feel Zenyatta’s kindness flowing into him, relaxing his muscles and dissolving the bitterness. Soon he was slouching, and Zenyatta caught him, enveloping him in the most heartfelt hug he’d received. His hands trembled at his side, the last resistance of his self-deprecation. But the soft humming of his Master, vibrating through his entire body, warmed him to the core and dissolved any doubts. He returned the hug.

His body was warm and inviting, and he could feel the comforting sounds of the machinery that kept him alive underneath his fingers. Like a lifeline, it brought him back from the storm of thoughts in his mind.

He was alive. He was okay. He could breath. It would be okay.

“You are okay Genji,” Zenyatta’s voice chased away the shadows “It was just an accident. You are not a monster.” He wanted to stay like this forever, to listen to his voice and feel him press closer.

“Thank you… I’m sorry for all of this.” His breathing was slowly returning to normal.

“Never apologize for the way you feel Genji. I want to help you whenever I can.” Zenyatta laid his head on his shoulder. “I lament that you suffer like this. If only you could see yourself the way I see you, Genji…” He hugged him closer, the metal of their bodies clinking together. “You have so much goodness in you, a determination only rivaled by your kindness. A heart that has suffered so much, but still fights, still wishes for healing.” He felt like his chest was about to burst, _how could he ever deserve this?_ “Sometimes, I swear you shine brighter than the most gorgeous dawn, my dearest Genji.”

“Master…” he couldn’t say more, a knot in his throat impending the words.

“You deserve happiness. No matter what, never forget that. Please, Genji.”

Running his hands down Zenyatta’s back, feeling the weight of his body next to him, the arms holding him and listening to his voice, Genji realized that he had never been as close to happiness as he was in that moment.

“Thank you, Zenyatta.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading through this, it is unrevised and completly self-indulgent.
> 
> If you want, come and find me in Tumblr at 'obsidian-coffe'


End file.
